“Perform the eulogy at Rollie’s funeral? Come on Pastor, surely you’re not considering doing this? Have you lost your mind? The board members will have a field day with this. You’re just going to have to say no.”

Dannica stopped just outside of the Pastor’s office. It made her so mad to hear her father being called Rollie. It was so disrespectful. She recognized the voice immediately. Her father had always said that Deacon Mackey was shady, but Pastor always loved him and seemed to hold him on a higher pedestal than all of the other deacons.

“Mac, now is not the time to be judgmental. This church just lost a loved one, a pillar. Deacon Rawlins was one of our own. That man served here for many years.”

That man? That’s my dad you’re talking about.

“He was one of the faithful ones and we can’t just overlook that.” Pastor’s voice sounded as if he were pleading with Deacon Mackey.

“He was lost, Pastor. I always told you he shouldn’t have been a deacon, now look. What he’s done makes all of us look bad. And to think, this is a man we sent to pray with other people. People who were wounded and hurting depended on him. He visited people on their deathbeds. This man prayed over our congregation, visited the sick, and claimed he was such a big Christian. Empty, I tell you. He was empty!” Deacon Mackey sounded as if he were raging mad. “I can’t believe he did this. Well, yes I can. He was a weak man. How could he do this to us, to this church? Everybody in the county knew him. To think, he used to be the Men’s Ministry leader.”

“Mac! Enough.” Dannica heard what sounded like a fist pounding on the desk.  “No one made you God. God is God, and God alone. You don’t have a heaven or hell to put anyone in, so you shouldn’t be acting like this. Judge not lest ye be judged. We don’t know what his relationship was with God.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Pastor I see what you’re saying. I’m just saying it is highly uncustomary to have a funeral, or ‘home going’ if you will, for a person who clearly isn’t going to heaven. Come on, our great deacon committed suicide. Suicide! Umph, umph, umph.”

Dannica looked through the crack of the partially open door. Deacon Mackey was shaking his head back and forth while pacing around the office. He stopped and then leaned forward over Pastor’s desk. “No matter how his family tries to cover it up, he checked himself out! Even you yourself have taught us about how that is such a selfish act- taking matters into your own hands and not trusting God. There’s no going back once its done.”

Pastor spoke quietly, still sitting down as Deacon Mackey continued to stand over him. “I know. I wouldn’t even know what to say at such a funeral. This is the first time I’ve been put in this predicament. Would I preach about going to hell, or tell the people to get right with God before it’s too late? I can’t say that I know he’s in heaven looking down on us, or how he was called home. I’m just speechless at this point. I’ll have to pray on it and get with Dannica, hopefully before she calls me.”

Dannica’s heart broke into a million pieces. She couldn’t listen to them talk about her beloved father any longer and rage swelled deep inside her. She pushed the Pastor’s door so hard that the doorknob made an indention in the drywall behind it.

“That’s quite all right, Pastor,” she said barging in, her voice several octaves above normal. “I won’t be calling you, and I won’t be needing your services. You don’t have to worry about me needing you to do anything for me ever again.” She moved her neck and her eyes rolled as she spoke. “I heard everything that was said in here. Both of you are two faced. You were always grinning in my daddy’s face and you sit here and dog him out like this! No wonder he used to come home all stressed out after meeting with you.”

Pastor, clearly alarmed at the distraction, stood up. He and Deacon Mackey looked like deer in the path of rapidly approaching headlights.

“Sister Rawlins! Uh, I, we, um, come on in and sit down. Deac and I were just talking, that’s all.” Pastor was clearly at a loss for words and his voice sounded shaky. Embarrassment was written all over his face.